Human mama bears are a unique breed. Mama bears are who care for you. Not necessarily who birth you. We can absolutely be annoyed as fuck by a child their whole life, wanting to slap them on the regular. Feeling like they need etiquette, manners, and grammar lessons daily. Wondering why they are allowed to slide on things like school when you knew if you tried to drop out of school your own father would sit in a desk NEXT TO YOU until you graduated rather than let you leave class. I personally felt that I would have rather helped them via tutoring to get them to graduation, but I wasn’t allowed to make those decisions.

That said, when I found out they had been being abused, I went full tilt mama bear. I do not care that in the past this kid drove me batshit. They are my step-kid. They are Trans. They have a girlfriend and their mom is horribly homo- and Transphobic. My step-child’s mother cannot handle that her kid holds hands with their girlfriend, and says things to them that would not be allowed on SVU. Their own blood.

When the stepdaughter and their girlfriend came to visit us they had no clothes that fit. Two Goodwill trips later, and shopping in my closet from when I lost so much weight, they finally had enough clothing to wear. Not to mention some Amazon orders. There will be more orders once they officially move in. Stepdaughter Elliot wants binders to start to dress fully Trans. But their mother wouldn’t get any that fit appropriately. I couldn’t allow them to continue to wear something that hurt them. I had them try a few out to see what fits best.

Their mother is also not following up on healthcare. They have been without serious healthcare for a life threatening blood disorder for over two years. Two years. I can’t get anything done when they aren’t down for long enough to have a real doctor with us. I tried a clinic but they wouldn’t refill a prescription that old. All I could do was give them a giant bottle of iron tablets and tell them to take them twice per day to mitigate the blood loss.

Food was apparently an issue as well. While visiting, a constant question was “Can we actually eat this?” to anything. A slice of cheese, a cup of milk, water, an apple, some potato chips… anything. After we told them anything we have in the house is fair game, as long as they told us when we are running low or out so we can go get more or put it on the list. They still asked in a panic about food.

Also, they asked in panic about the cost of things. Food, clothing (even at Goodwill or the Dollar Store), groceries, anything. Elliot’s girlfriend was sick with a cold while visiting, but does not have any healthcare (medicaid or anything) so all I could do was find some OTC meds to treat the symptoms as best I could. Apparently she hadn’t had healthcare in so long that she doesn’t actually remember ever going to the doctor regularly. Makes me curious as to when her last vaccines were. A titer test might be good for her when she is on medicaid again.

The neglect is vicious here. No regular healthcare here. Von Willebrands is not something to fuck around with. Think hemophilia light. And when a biological female like Elliot has it, they can very well bleed so much they get so sick they can eventually die if they have the harsher types – or if they have no healthcare to mitigate the blood loss while having a period last 6 to 11 months straight…

Mental healthcare also is a concern when no one takes a kid in and they are diagnosed autistic, adhd, and with anxiety, possibly with DID, and their mother just doesn’t bother having them see any therapists, psychotherapists, psychiatrist, or any doctor to keep them in medication to help them. Just keep them floundering in school, no 504, no IEP, no nothing. Wonder why they leave school, allow them to leave without any help to get through hard times. Teen years absolutely SUCK and when you have mental struggles, it sucks exponentially.

When Elliot and her dad met with her mom to tell her that Elliot and Noelle, Elliot’s girlfriend, want to move to Illinois to get jobs, study and get their GEDs, and get their driver’s licenses, and save to get an apartment (as one does when they become adults), the mother went full on batshit crazy. I mean, took knives to her own arms, punched her own walls, threw herself into walls, had panic attacks, declared that Noelle needed to “take the knives away before she did something bad with them” (after she already ran them up and down her arms) and basically tried to manipulate Elliot into staying.

“You hate me because I am a bad mom!”

I wasn’t allowed to go to this fun experience, sadly. I would have had some fun times. This is probably why I was held home. I do not do well with manipulators. Manipulators want others to make them feel better about themselves. In the above quote, what they want is someone to say “oh, no! You are a wonderful mom!” I probably would have also given her a sharper knife. Always call a manipulator’s bluff. It throws them off and they cannot handle it.

I’d have had a whole different response. “Yup! Totally suck. Anything else you need reassurance on?”

Because yeah…. I can help you with that. My opinion is free!