When a woman starts a day, she is supposed to roll out of bed, bounce happily into the shower, sing along with some sort of forest creature (bird? mouse? fuck if I know…), gracefully float into her size triple zero dress and kitten heels and start her work…

Because people think life is a Disney movie.

Then come home, be able to still function, eat, do things, clean up after dinner, check kids homework, possibly do a hobby (what is that?), and if you can manage it, make it to bed and fall asleep.

THEN DO IT AGAIN!

Me? No. My day looks more like one of those movies where it’s black and you hear the narrator/main character going “oh no… I’m awake…”

I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling and try to figure out exactly how long it might take to collect the energy to get up to pee. There’s usually a cat or two on top of me, helping to weigh me down as if I may float off, so that doesn’t help, because they are very soft and basically a weighted blanket that purrs. Does not inspire me to want to move, at all.

I finally do finish bathroom time and lose my will to stay up because I am already exhausted. And according to my watch I can have an hour of sweet, sweet sleep before I need to get Aidan up to get ready for school.

***BEEP BEEP BEEP***

motherfucker……

okay. you can do this. it’s only an hour.

Annnnnnnd so it goes. We begin the Rinsing of the Aidan, and the Dressing of the Aidan, and the Directing of the Aidan… then when Aidan is on the bus, we decide if we have the energy to ascend the stairs to go back to sleep… or if curling up in a ball in this chair right here will work?

But sometimes we just have to bribe ourselves to GET THE FUCK UP AND START THE DAY (shopping works… Daiso store? Someone go to the Daiso store with me?) because I need to human.

So we look around downstairs by the Nest (a.k.a. my chairs) and I see the things that should be put away but… energy. I am at negative spoon level. There are days when energy is almost at what most people would call “normal.” These are my “hyper” days where I feel like I have actual excess energy. Most days I kinda feel like I might be coasting along at most people’s “wow. I’m tired” level.

Then there are the days where I feel like if I were to actually eat I might fall asleep from the effort. So, I don’t. Because I need to make it until like 9PM when it is pumpkin hour and everyone goes to bed. And we snuggle with the kittens and I hug my Kuromi pillow and make a Mama Mountain for the kitties to climb onto and fall asleep.

And we attempt to try again to Not Be Tired tomorrow.

I need a Spoon Grant. Where is the Bank of Spoons? My allotment of Spoons is insufficient.